Are You Running Away or Towards Something?
I think about this question all the time…
At first, I can honestly say I was running away from something when I got into the health industry. When I jumped back in 2018 as a group fitness instructor, I didn’t know that that was going to lead to my sobriety in 2019 but when I did, I went SO in. I was trading one addiction for another. Then when moving to Colorado, everything was closed and I transitioned into an athlete. Again, I went SO in (and feel like I’m going into the next transition from athlete to CEO). Everything in my life became secondary to training. But why?
Why do I have this habit where when I get into things I go so hard to the point that everything else in my life falls to the side?
When it came to fitness (first trainer then athlete), I was running away from the Old Omar. The party guy. The guy who couldn’t go a weekend without partying and now as I look back on those days, I know I was scared of falling back to my old self. It was infectious how much I wanted to go out and when I broke away (through sobriety) I felt like I needed to change everything… and I did. It was an extreme I’m not gonna lie, but it was what I needed in order for change to happen. I changed jobs, friends, and even where I lived. Burn the boats as they say…
When I got into endurance sports (running), I didn’t know where it was going to lead me but I knew how it made me feel. I felt free and empowered. I was suffocating under this old persona for so long that when I got out, all I wanted to do was sprint towards this new life. This is the life most people in Colorado know me as today but I definitely wasn’t always this guy. I remember thinking that if I just keep running that eventually I’ll find what I’m looking for. So I ran. I ran A LOT. So much so that my body broke down so many times physically with countless ankle sprains, testosterone dropping below average, and barely being able to sleep because my cortisol levels where through the roof. Again, I went too hard.
In my third year as an athlete, I slowed down. I realized that I got to a point where if I wanted to become a better athlete that I would need to slow down. I thought to myself, “I’m here.” I’m where I’ve always wanted to be and it’s OK to rest. Now as I think about my athlete life coming to end, I begin to not only reflect on where it got me but how I can create more balance in my life as I build HUMN.
Running was my anchor through sobriety.
Running led me to building a new community.
Running has allowed me to become a leader in a space that I love.
Running was one of the elements that taught me I could do anything.
At 37 years old, I recognize that going extremely hard into one thing can have benefits but it also can have some negatives and sometimes more negatives than positives. I think about this a lot especially now with everything going on with HUMN. I mean… this thing has been the most difficult undertaking I’ve ever worked on, however, it’s what I want to do with my life. But how do I build my dream without letting everything else in my life fall to the side?
Separation.
Back in November, I had a panic attack and man did that suck but I’m glad it happened. It was a reminder that in order for HUMN to grow into the enterprise I believe it’s going to be that I’m going to need to create separation. This separation topic stemmed from one of my investors when he shared a concern, “…but are you too tenacious?” I still think about that question and continue to calibrate my mental, emotional, and spiritual health to ensure I can do this for the next 10 years.
I even thought to myself, “I don’t want to get to the end of the finish line and not be able to share this with anyone.” So what changed? I take Saturdays off. No work, social media, and spend the entire day out of the house (minus when I take Odesza for walks). This separation is part of running towards the life I envision. It’s part of the bigger picture.
I started to become a human being and not a human doer.
